For the first two weeks in April, I was enjoying a visit to my hometown New York City. During the trip I didn't play one hand of online poker. Usually on the road, I would fire up the laptop for a session of hyper-turbos here and there and go to a friend's apartment for Sunday tournaments. But for this trip, I decided to focus on my usual NYC activities--catching up with friends and family, eating as much pizza as possible and walking aimlessly through Central Park--and not cross-pollute the experience with "work."
During the trip, I got the chance to appear on a live episode of Seven Second Delay, (my segment begins at the 32:40 mark), a radio show I have been listening to since I was in high school, and it was a fun experience. Generally, I was riding high, coming off my best three-month stretch of online poker in seven years and feeling a rare overarching sense of positivity about my direction in life.
It felt good to take a break from poker while in NYC, but after nearly two weeks spending money in New York and not generating income, I was feeling the pressure to get back to the grind. My flight to LAX was booked for Saturday, April 16th, and I was really looking forward to sitting down on Sunday in my Herman Miller chair, in front of my monolithic 30" monitor, and playing online poker tournaments all day, as I had done on most Sundays since 2004.
Then, on April 15th, the day before I was set to come home, after two weeks of idle-time that was starting to wear out my bottom line, the DOJ released an indictment that forced PokerStars to stop offering real money games to US customers.
The lack of activity on this blog is a direct reflection of my general malaise since Black Friday. For most of the last four months, with the exception of the time I spent in Las Vegas at the World Series of Poker (WSOP), I have been adrift in a sea of frustration, confusion, anger and denial. I haven't been writing, because I don't feel I have anything to say.
The consequences of Black Friday still seem unreal to me, and I guess I am still in shock. It has caused me to question every aspect of my existence--as a poker player, an American and as a member of society. It has caused to me to question the meaning of concepts like "home" and "work."
Now, I must leave the city I love, and the country I will always love despite how ridiculous our government is. Until I get relocated and approved to be clicking buttons again on PokerStars, which should be within a few weeks, the whole thing will still not feel real. For a variety of reasons, I also don't feel like I can document this part of the process.
Of course, I have a lot to be grateful for, and most of all, I am looking forward to continuing my relationship with PokerStars, one of the best products I could ever imagine having the opportunity to endorse. But leaving your native country in order to pursue your occupation is not what I consider an enviable situation. This is one of the toughest and most unlikable moves I've ever had to make. I am not feeling sorry for myself, but I am supremely frustrated.
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The WSOP was the one thing that brought me out of the post-Black Friday stupor and gave me something to focus on. I played 19 events and cashed in three of them. I was "in the hunt" in one event, the $5K 6-max. I wound up busting 17th, reshoving 20 BBs from the big blind vs. a button raise with the "signature hand," A7o. I got called by KJo and lost. It was a $31K cash. This year again, I busted the main event on day two, bringing my record in that event to 0-7. I was a net loser on buyins, but with a backing deal on gross cashes, I earned a little bit of money for the summer. Somehow I think I spent more.
Most importantly, I maintained my equanimity better than ever this year in the face of Vegas' relentless pressure. Usually, I feel lots of anxiety when I'm there, a desire to take a break and go home or go to Utah. But this year I woke up every day feeling relatively fresh and ready to play a poker tournament. Maybe the change in perception was due to the fact that six weeks at the WSOP felt less overwhelming than the circumstances of my life after Black Friday.