I was reminded in 2011 that as soon as you think you have some of your problems solved, a whole new set of problems will come along and take their place. When the year began, it felt like I was in phase of relative stability, which soon enough turned out to be the farthest thing from reality. In the end it seems I spent most of the year just trying to get back to a life that even resembled that illusion of stability.
To briefly recap: the year began with me at an all-time-high, starting a sponsorship deal with PokerStars Team Online that ushered in a renewed confidence and passion for the game of poker. I was energized, motivated, looking forward to doing things right as a poker player, a blogger and a human being.
Then on April 15th, Poker's Black Friday took place, in which the DOJ unsealed an indictment against PokerStars that forced them to stop offering games in the United States, and I went into a funk. I wrote about the situation for Slate.com, played the WSOP that summer, but otherwise spent most of the several months feeling directionless and overwhelmed.
I finally moved to Canada in September in order to play on PokerStars again, and it was a good experience overall, even though I was planning on staying for six months but wound up staying for only three weeks. I then moved to Mexico, where I am living now, basically attempting to pick up where I left off during this time last year, just under slightly more surreal circumstances.
I am not feeling overly sentimental towards the year that has passed, because it feels just like a bridge in the ongoing arc of my life, just an arbitrary period of time that doesn't encapsulate anything in particular other than a fair amount of chaos. And it feels like 2011 kicked my ass. It was a humbling year, and I am just looking forward to moving on.
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One thing I regret is not mobilizing more quickly after Black Friday. For a while, I didn't even feel capable of leaving my Southern California comfort zone, even though I was totally unproductive in the absence of online poker. Somehow, during the four months I spent contemplating my options, I wasn't even aware that Rosarito Beach, three hours away from Los Angeles, was a relocation option for poker players. I am just a bit disappointed that it took me several months of listlessly moping around, dwelling in the sense of crisis, before I could finally motivate to improve my situation.
I guess I also learned (as evidenced by the paragraph above) that I am too hard on myself, that I have a hard time relaxing and keeping things in perspective. Overall, my timing was reasonable: I waited until my lease was up in Santa Monica in August, which coincided with the start of WCOOP, and chose a decent time to make the move. Black Friday was traumatic for a lot of the poker world, and in the end I did prove myself adaptable. I was able to follow the objective advice of friends, as well as basic common sense, that moving to a new country to continue playing online was both my best option and an option that I was very lucky to have.
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I'll be going to the Bahamas next week to play in the PCA, which is traditionally a great way to start the year, and my life is more streamlined now than it was at any point since March. So, I am cautiously optimistic about everything, looking forward to a new year, another shot to get my poker career in focus, establish some stability for myself and just keep working towards whatever it is I am working towards.
The reality is I can't even think in lofty terms or hope to establish about term goals. Going into 2012, I will be happy to establish a routine and see what develops.