With significant sadness I must report that Pauly and I have decided to bring the Dope Stories Podcast to an indefinite end. Today's episode, our 27th (28th if you count Broke Stories), will be the last episode we publish on our regular Thursday release day.
It was a truly difficult decision to arrive at, and at no point (including now) have I felt fully confident with any of the solutions to the logistical and creative problems that were mounting, inhibiting our ability to deliver a product that could meet our early ambitions.
I guess like many experiment with drugs, the project was: instructive, often fun and illuminating, other times challenging, but always meaningful for me and hopefully for those I interacted with along the way. Sustaining the peak high was not possible, and the trip had to come to an end.
Also like drugs, producing the podcast was expensive!
I'm reluctant to ovequalify the experience or try too hard to mitigate the disappointment I am feeling (and the sense that I have let down our audience), but I think it's fair to reflect that our concept to deliver a weekly "rational discussion about drug use" was both overly ambitious and not quite ambitious enough. Expansive, yet constricting.
The decision to pay for pro-quality audio production without a proper business plan became financially unsustainable. Then, while considering the prospect of doing an aggressive PBS-style crowdfunding campaign (complete with tote bags and t-shirts) to support the show, Pauly and I were reluctant to proceed without being totally sure in our ability to deliver content of a quality to match the commitment we would be requesting from our audience.
On a more personal level, it became at times intellectually and emotionally onerous to show up regularly with the presence of mind to talk about drug use in a way that combined subjective experience and objective analysis.
For much of my life, even as an open, known drug user, I enjoyed a mostly casual association with drugs. It was a part of my identity, sure, but not the central hub or focal point of it. When embarking on Dope Stories, I didn't anticipate all of the obstacles and side effects that came with consistently exploring personal aspects of my consciousness through such a telescopic lens. Or to paraphrase the Notorious B.I.G., "mostly I'm sick of talking."
I still consider matters of drug use and human behavior, and the legislation thereof, to be profoundly misunderstood and in need of exploration. Indeed, I hope to keep exploring these issue in a variety of ways going froward, but I feel unprepared currently to do it in the format we designed.
The Dope Stories name (and Twitter feed) will live on (as will the content itself on iTunes), and I wouldn't be surprised if Pauly and I found an opportunity in the future to get on the mic together and record a reunion show, but for now, the Dope Stories you have come to know and expect every Thursday will no longer exist.
(You can read Pauly's account in his farewell blog here).
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I should also reflect on what I hope is not a total bust. My concept for the show involved a much longer run, and a deeper exploration of a variety of subjects, but I'm disinclined to write off the experience as a failure. The concept was solid, and if we connected with an audience of any size, for however brief of a moment, it constitutes at least a small success.
I can't even begin to describe the gratitude I hold for the people who listened to the show, those who donated money, and especially to the guests who came on and shared their insight and wisdom into the human struggles and triumphs related to drug use. I learned a lot from the entire experience.
Come to think of it, I have also formed a handful of new friendships, the type that I think will last a lifetime, as a direct result of putting the show together and the past six months of work Pauly and I did, and I can't even begin to put a value on that.